Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
