I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
