I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
