u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
