I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
