I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
