What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
