A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
