did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
