My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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