a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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