the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
