You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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