I am midnight drunk by noon
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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