WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
