I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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