Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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