yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
