I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
