i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
my poor anus
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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