My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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