Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
