so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
