no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
