I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
