Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
