I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
