First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
