the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
