My Higher Power is John Stamos
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
How external is "for external use only"?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
