afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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