She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
