areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
