I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
