We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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