im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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