I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
