People in love make me want to vomit
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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