dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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