Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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