Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
