just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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