I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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