I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
