I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
