Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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