We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
