My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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