so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
