I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
