just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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