omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
