So drunk its hurt
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
